Parenting an Anxious Child? Avoid These 9 No-Nos

I really liked this article and learned things that I can do better and was happy that some of these tips I was already doing. Tell me what you think.

Here is the link: http://www.anxioustoddlers.com/parenting-an-anxious-child/

Here is the article:

Anxious kids are a different breed. If you are parenting an anxious child you know what I am talking about. Perhaps this realization dawned on you when you watched your friends interact with their children. What seemed to work for them – completely backfired for you. 
In my child therapy practice couples who are parenting an anxious child will often tell me things like, “I don’t get it. Everything that worked with our other kids won’t work with our anxious kid.”

You can throw your regular parenting book out the window – you need a completely different playbook when parenting an anxious child.

Let’s countdown the 9 biggest No-Nos when parenting an anxious child:

Each child is unique – even anxious kids. Some of these might actually work with your anxious kiddos – but in GENERAL these approaches are much less likely to work on an anxious mind.

1. RUSHING YOUR CHILD

You want to see anxious children have complete meltdowns – tell them to hurry up. Most anxious kids completely implode when we tell them to speed up. I can bark at two of my kids to hurry up and they’ll get moving. If I did that to my third child – we’d have to tack on 30 more minutes to allow for the meltdown that will ensue. Sound familiar?

2. SINK OR SWIM

Many parents feel they just need to throw their kids into a feared situation and the kids will do fine. Kind of like the sink or swim mentality. Anxious kids will sink. They will plummet to the deepest darkest depths and will not come up for air. 

3. SET A TIMER

A great parenting approach for time management might include a timer. Such as, “when the timer goes off it is time for you to stop playing your video game.” A timer is a ticking time bomb for anxious children. Instead of speeding them up – they will ruminate over the clock and will probably explode into tears or screams long before the buzzer sounds.

4. MAKE A RACE OF IT

Similar to the timer – any type of time-limiting approach is most likely not going to work. Anxious kids get overwhelmed with time limits. Timed tests. Timed activities. None of those go down well. Trying to make things fun with comments such as, “who can get there first?” can turn an anxious child into a puddle of a tears.

5. TELL THEM ABOUT THE FUN THEY’LL MISS

Your anxious child doesn’t want to go to a party. They don’t like crowds or new social situations. You tell them they are going to miss out on all the fun.

Telling your anxious child what fun they’ll miss if they don’t go won’t work. They know they are missing the fun. It upsets them more than maybe you know. Reminding them of what they’ll miss out on will just increase their anxiety.

Instead, address the fear that is driving the behavior. Talk about how they can handle the new social situation and give them tools to get through it.

6. FOOD BATTLES

You want to see an anxious child throw up? Have a food battle with him or her. Drawing a line in the sand will result in a loss for both of you. You’ll be frustrated and your children will never again touch whatever food you are trying to metaphorically (hopefully) shove down their throat.

My twelve year old still won’t touch broccoli due to a food battle she had with a relative when she was three. The tongue never forgets!

Anxious kids can be picky eaters due to oral sensitivities and the fear of new foods. Encourage your children to eat new things. Place new foods on their plate. But, don’t make mealtime a battle zone.

7. PUNISHING YOUR CHILD FOR TOILETING ISSUES

Some anxious kids are slow to potty train. Older kids might fear pooping (yes, that is a thing) and may avoid pooping at all costs. This can cause constipation and conversely accidents. I know this can be a gross and frustrating parenting issue. But shaming, blaming or punishing this behavior will not fix it. Address the fear – not the behavior.

8. SCARE THEM INTO BEHAVING

Parents will use facts to help their children do things they would otherwise not do. Brush your teeth or they’ll fall out! Hold my hand or you’ll get hit by a car! Put a helmet on or you’ll crack your head open.

I know these things have flown out of my mouth at times. I also know that sometimes I say the wrong scary thing and I have to do damage control for weeks afterwards.

Try to focus on more positive statements. Brush your teeth and make them sparkly clean. Hold my hand so I can make sure to keep you safe.

9. ALL OR NOTHING RESPONSES

Anxious behavior can sometimes be mislabeled as oppositional. Anxious kids might completely freak out when told no. This can be misconstrued as spoiled and entitled behavior – but in reality anxious kids can’t handle the concept of no. They can’t handle the finality of no.

Speaking in absolute terms typically doesn’t go down well with anxious kids. When possible, focus on when they can do it or when they can have it – even if it is far away.

Tell them things like, “You can have that for your birthday” or “you can have that after dinner.” You can even motivate them with comments like, “You can save up your money and get it.”

Now having said that – sometimes “no” will just be “no.” Just like other kids, anxious kids need to learn how to handle not always getting what they want. In reality, sometimes there is no future “yes” to your answer.

Article from the National Institutes of Health:

Study May RAISE Standard for Treating First Psychotic Episode

http://directorsblog.nih.gov/2015/10/20/study-may-raise-standard-for-treating-first-psychotic-episode/

Posted on October 20, 2015 by Dr. Francis Collins

Each year, about 100,000 American adolescents and young adults, their lives and dreams ahead of them, experience their first episode of psychosis, a symptom of schizophrenia and other mental illnesses characterized by dramatic changes in perception, personality, and ability to function [1]. This often-terrifying experience, which can last for months, will prompt some to seek help from mental health professionals, whose services can in many situations help them get back on track and reduce the risk of relapse. Still, for far too many young people and their families, the search for help is riddled with long delays, contradictory information, and inadequate treatment in a mental health system whose resources have been stretched thin.
There’s got to be a better way to reach more of these young people, and, now, results of a major NIH-supported clinical study point to a possible way to get there [2]. In this large study, published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, teams of mental health specialists partnered with young people and their families to create individualized treatment plans. After two years of follow-up, researchers found that this personalized, team-based approach to care had helped more young people stick with treatment, feel better about their quality of life, return to school and work, and seek follow-up help than standard care involving a single clinician.
Many studies show the longer that people with psychotic episodes go untreated, the harder it is to stabilize their symptoms and the more problems they develop. A common presentation is schizophrenia, a persistent, severe brain disorder that often can be diagnosed only months or even years after a first psychotic episode. Schizophrenia affects 1.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older, and currently accounts for about 30 percent of all spending on mental health treatment [3].

To help people suffering from schizophrenia and other mental disorders that cause psychotic symptoms, NIH’s National Institute of Mental Health launched the Recovery After an Initial Schizophrenia Episode (RAISE) project in 2008. One arm of RAISE is its Early Treatment Program (ETP), which seeks to identify the best ways to treat a first psychotic episode.
The ETP team, led by John Kane, a research psychiatrist at The Zucker Hillside Hospital, Glen Oaks, NY, spent a year consulting with experts and reviewing the medical literature to craft and pilot a comprehensive, evidence-based treatment strategy that would be workable within the U.S. healthcare system. The result was a program of coordinated specialty care that aims to link young people with a team of specialists soon after their psychotic symptoms begin. The program, called NAVIGATE, features four core services:

• Personalized medication management. Health-care professionals work with the patient to select and administer the right prescription medication at the right dosage to manage the psychosis.
• Family education. Health-care professionals and health educators meet with the patient’s family members and help them better understand mental illness and the challenges ahead.
• Individual therapy. The patient meets with a health-care professional to set personal goals, enhance wellness, and learn more about psychosis and its treatment.
• Supported education and employment. The patient partners with a counselor to find employment or enroll in school as soon as possible. Services are then provided each week at work or school to help them stay on track.

The group’s next challenge was to test the NAVIGATE model at 34 community mental health treatment centers in 21 states. Over time, most centers successfully implemented and sustained NAVIGATE using their regular resources, along with research funding to support up to 5 hours a week per patient for educational and employment counseling.
A total of 404 teenagers and young adults, all of whom had experienced a single episode of psychosis and taken less than six months of antipsychotic medications, enrolled in the two-year study. Each volunteer was randomized to receive either the team-based NAVIGATE intervention or standard community care, which usually consisted of treatment determined by one clinician. The participants, who ranged in age from 15 to 40, spanned various races, ethnicities, and genders.
Researchers found that NAVIGATE participants stuck with treatment for 23 months, on average, compared to 17 months for those in standard care. This longer period of treatment represents a step forward, because one of the biggest obstacles to the effective treatment of first-episode psychosis is that many patients stop treatment too soon. Young people taking part in NAVIGATE also reported an overall higher quality of life, indicating a more positive outlook toward family, a purpose in life, and engagement in society. Many participants and their family members also indicated that one of the things they liked most about NAVIGATE was its highly personalized, team-based approach to delivery of care and follow-up.
A great example is the Simpson family, which lives just outside of Lansing, MI. At age 17, son Collin was hospitalized to work through his first psychosis, receiving what his father Tom describes as “generic care.” When Collin was released from the hospital, Tom says he felt utterly unprepared to arrange the aftercare and take steps to reduce risk of a relapse. He tried to find a psychiatrist in Lansing for his son, but he couldn’t locate one who was available to see new patients. That’s when Tom’s sister, who worked in community mental health, suggested that Collin enroll in NAVIGATE.
Tom calls NAVIGATE’s individualized, team-based approach “a godsend.” Collin not only received timely psychiatric care and careful monitoring of his medications, he also got help to prepare and pass his General Educational Development (GED) test, guidance in drafting his resume, and assistance in finding a job. Meanwhile, Tom and other members of the family participated in the NAVIGATE educational program and got their questions answered about psychosis, schizophrenia, and what they should and shouldn’t expect from Collin. “We would have been clueless if they hadn’t brought us all in as a group,” Tom says. “It was a critical part.”
How’s Collin doing today? His dad says his son is doing great: holding down a full-time job, playing in a band, and “is really a fully functional member of society.” As for his future goals, one is to become a peer-support counselor to help others come through their psychosis and get back on track.
Importantly, the NAVIGATE researchers found that the sooner young people with first-episode psychosis received coordinated specialty care, the better they fared. Still, there is much room for improvement: the median time of untreated psychosis before enrollment in NAVIGATE was nearly 1½ years, which is consistent with previous studies. Why such a lag? Part of the problem is that young people and their families can be wary of seeking help, possibly concerned about other people’s misperceptions about mental illness.
My hope is that, informed by results of this study and other NIH-funded research, more people will be empowered to seek prompt treatment for first-episode psychosis and other mental health disorders. In fact, the resources to help them are already in place in many areas of the nation. Congress recently allocated funds to subsidize treatment for first-episode psychosis, and, since 2014, 32 states have moved toward establishing comprehensive specialty care to enable earlier intervention.
References:
[1] Schizophrenia: a concise overview of incidence, prevalence, and mortality. McGrath J, Saha S, Chant D, & Welham J. Epidemiol Rev 2008, 30:67-76.
[2] Comprehensive Versus Community Care for First Episode Psychosis: Two-Year Outcomes From The NIMH RAISE Early Treatment Program. Kane JM, Robinson DG, Schooler NR, Sint KJ, John M, Heinssen RK, et al. Am J. Psych [Epub ahead of publication]
[3] U.S. Spending For Mental Health and Substance Abuse Treatment, 1991-2001. Mark T, Coffey R, Vandivort-Warren R, Harwood H, & King E. Health Aff. 2005 Jan-Jun Suppl Web Exclusives, W5-133-W135-142.
Links:
Schizophrenia (National Institute of Mental Health/NIH)
Recovery After an Initial Schizophrenia Episode (NIMH/NIH)
John Kane (The Zucker Hillside Hospital, Glenn Oaks, NY)
NIH Support: National Institute of Mental Health

Not letting the small thing take over during a big time

My stress and anxiety are pretty high right now.

Here is my list of why:

1. We are in the process of closing on a house, which means a lot of paperwork, gather documents, packing and organizing the move.
2. The kids go back to school about a week before we move, so we need to get all of their back-to-school items purchased and not packed.
3. My spouse is basically out-of-town or unavailable this entire time.
4. My work schedule is never the same.
5. Coordinating my son's new dance class drop-off every week.
6. My cat is sick and now has to become an indoor cat.
7. Pack
8. Pack
9. Pack
10. And finally, I live in the desert and it is f-ing HOT!

In the middle of all of that chaos there are these little dust devils that pop up that just about send me over the edge. And I am talking about a full blown grown-up temper tantrum. But then I have to take a step back, take a deep breath and ask myself, do I need to get the work up about this right now? 99% of the time the answer is no but it is so easy to get sucked into the small things right now. Am I avoiding something or do I need help. I don't know but I had to get this out.

Labor Day weekend I will be relaxing in my new pool and that is what I will keep my eye on!


(Picture from http://www.investwithalex.com/killing-stress/)