Listening to Sam Smith's Stay With Me and the line is: Why am I so emotional?
Why am I so emotional?
Let's start with my Grandma passing away on Saturday, the 16th. She was one of the strongest women I know. I wasn't ready for her to go but I think she was ready. I loved hearing all of the stories this week from my dad and my Aunt of when they were kids and thing my Grandma did as a kid and teenager. My stubbornness didn't fall far from the tree either. We cleaned out her house and I got really weird like I didn't want any else to have her things, she is my Grandma damn it and I will take care of her stuff. I soon realized that I couldn't do that I took what brought me great memories of her.
She had four children, one of which she had to bury just one year ago. No matter the age a parent should never have to bury their child. She had many different type of cancer and she beat them all. I would jokingly tell people that if there was a nuclear war the survivors would be my Grandma and the cockroaches because that is how bad ass she is. She had a legacy. A legacy of being a peacemaker and giving unconditional love. Just when you think someone can't be loved anymore she would show up and show you how to do it. That is my goal, to carry on her legacy.
Secondly, I have had five med changes in the last 2 months. I am very tired and just want to sleep. Is that the new med or my week catching up with me? I am hoping this one is going to work or at least give some relief with NO side effects. Wherever I am at, I want to be somewhere else. For example something if I am at home I want to be at work. Then when I am at work I want to be at home. It is almost like I am trying to outrun something. Funny thing is it keeps finding me.
My brain is going through a lot right now and trying to process a lot of information. Sometimes I don't know what day it is, if I showered, ate, or how long I have been staring at the wall. You know the scenes in the movies where the person is moving slow and everyone around them is moving fast and the person seems confused or lost? Yeah, that's me.
I am hoping that my beautiful nephews first birthday party and a three day weekend help gets me back on track.
